Losing My Modesty

Our Featured Guest Writer Today is DJ DeProspero

We're delighted that DJ DeProspero, a woman who's just completed chemo and radiation for Anal Cancer, felt comfortable sharing her experience with our readers.  She's an inspiring person for so many reasons including her sense of adventure and her amazing kindness. 

 

And Now For Her Story That She is Willing to Share

From the moment I was diagnosed with anal cancer my modesty, what little I had, came under attack. I realized very quickly that I’d be better off getting over it completely and learn to treat my “private parts” just like I might treat my arms or legs.

I was diagnosed with anal cancer as a result of a routine (age-triggered, I’m 56) screening colonoscopy. A tumor was found in my anus; it and two surrounding lymph nodes were biopsied and all were malignant. I had no symptoms, no expectations that this colonoscopy would be anything other than a somewhat bothersome test (the preparation really, not the test itself). Hearing that I had a tumor in my anus, that I probably had anal cancer was a bizarre experience. I had never heard of anal cancer. An early reaction, after the shock and terror passed, was “why couldn’t I just have breast cancer? How do I tell people have ANAL cancer?” When was the last time you said “anal” in public – or in private?

 

I realized I had to be straightforward and direct when telling people. Whenever I told anyone, from my family members and close friends to less close friends who had heard about it, I would say “I have cancer, anal cancer.” I would quickly continue telling them how it had been found and what the treatment was going to be so that I didn’t have to deal with their reactions or questions.

 

The treatment was six weeks of daily radiation with two weeks of chemo during those six weeks. The radiologist warned me that it was hard, “you’ll be severely sunburned inside and out over your whole groin area.” Each week I saw the radiologist on Wednesdays. He always wanted to take a look at the area being treated. The first time he said, “So drop your shorts.”  I laughed, stood up, and lowered my pants. He looked at my vulva and then asked me to turn around so he could look at my anus and surrounding area. I appreciated his lack of formality in this exam. I didn’t have to undress, put on a gown, sit on the table and wait for the exam. He just needed to have a quick look, so “dropping my shorts” was fine with me.

 

Until the week I went in and learned he was on vacation. That was a different experience.  This time a different male doctor came in, one I’d never seen or met before, and I was dreading his having to take a look. Luckily he didn’t. He didn’t seem as comfortable with me, nor did he make me feel relaxed. I was very relieved that I got out that day without the quick look. I didn't have to "drop my shorts."

 

Throughout the course of my treatment I was examined, almost always in this informal way, by three doctors (all male) and two nurses (female). On days when I was less comfortable I would remind myself that “it’s just more body parts – it could be an arm or a leg.”

 

Talking about what was happening was also a challenge. With friends I almost always jokingly referred to my “private parts.” I realized, after a nurse asked me “how are you doing ‘down there’?” that I wanted to use the correct anatomical names for the parts of my body that were being treated. Women tend to use “vagina” to refer to our whole crotch areas. Generally your listener knows exactly what you’re referring to (in those rare cases when you might actually be talking about that part of your body!)  In my case I wanted to be specific since my issues were mostly with the external parts of my genitalia, specifically not my vagina. I looked on the web to review the names and made sure that I spoke of my vulva, labia and anus when I was speaking with the doctors or nurses.  I was really bothered that not one nurse ever used those terms. I heard mostly “down there” and “bottom” as in “Here’s some cream for your bottom.”

 

Throughout my treatment I often thought of modest women I know, some of them very modest, and wondered how they would cope with this treatment. I’m sure the professionals would treat them differently than they treated me; I know I gave signs that modesty was not one of my concerns. But still, being modest would make this cancer even more awful, unnecessarily so. There are times when it’s good to think that your anus or your vulva are just like an arm or a leg.

DJ is recovering from her Anal Cancer and plans to continue reading, gardening, cooking and staying healthy. She's inspired me to schedule my colonoscopy.